Tensions are running higher than usual right now. So I have a question for you.
Would you rather be happy or be right?
When in conflict with anyone (boss, spouse, friend, parent, child, etc) you have to make that choice, and you can have only one. So what does it mean, in practical terms?
When you value the relationship more than your ego, you’ll set your ego aside BECAUSE of your loyalty to the relationship. You’ll stop focusing on yourself and needing to defend yourself and be right. Instead, you’ll actively search to find your own contributions to the situation and work to co-create a solution. This is the sign of a very healthy relationship that will endure.
When you value your ego more than the relationship, you’ll set the relationship aside BECAUSE of your loyalty to your ego. You’ll focus on your experience almost exclusively, ignoring the other person’s. You will actively search to find the other person’s contributions to how you feel, feeling it is the full responsibility of the other person to solve the problem, and not yours. This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship that perhaps should not endure.
Nobody is perfect, and our relationships matter to us. Healthy relationships of all kinds allow for a peaceful coexistence of ego and relationship, with the ego never outshining the relationship. Unhealthy relationship patterns stem from what we learned when we were children. Insecurity, fear, and unresolved childhood trauma rear their ugly heads in ALL the relationships we have, not just romantic ones. It impacts how we treat our children, it impacts how we respond to authority figures in the workplace, and yes, of course, it impacts how we treat our loved ones and our friends.
We have a choice to respond without ego and be happy
, or seek to preserve our egos, which ultimately continues the cycle of destruction and unhappiness. It’s not your fault that you learned unhealthy behaviors, but it is your fault if you don’t choose differently
You choose. Be happy or be right?